she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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