Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
