I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
