so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
