I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
