so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
