it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
