Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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