You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
