I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
