My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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