If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
