I am puke
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
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she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
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Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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