Screwed.edu
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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