Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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