I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
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