have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I came so hard my ears popped.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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