do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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