I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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