Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
