Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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