Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
