oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
