you would pick up someone in the library
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
