forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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