I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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