It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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