Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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