Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm always down for nudity.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
