I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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