The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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