i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
