You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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