I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
