flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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