do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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