she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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