he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
