I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
