She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
