dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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