do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She bit a glass in half.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
