if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
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Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
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My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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