Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
