it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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