On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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