Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
zippers are such a cool invention
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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