Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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