Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
