My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
