I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i love accidental penises.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
