I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
