1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
