I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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