Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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