You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
