when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
