Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just high enough for therapy.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
