I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
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